I was trying so hard this morning…..trying to find just that one word..to describe the state of my mind…….what does it mean to feel the way I am feeling… I wonder as I sit at my desk… in an almost Holmes like concentration, except I don’t have the violin to pluck at.
Well..things are going right, everyone is making the correct noises, nobody has snicked or tried to snick the pink plusle figure I keep on my desk, I am having that oh-so-routine argument with my folks that helps clear the air, motorists are turning right when their indicators show left and infuriating me to no end, that long cherished camera is mine now, clients at work continue to be as obnoxious as ever, even the water pressure is holding up nicely and saving me the trouble of bathing in already drawn water……..nothing could be far from normal. Then why am I not feeling it? What is this feeling of not being in the right time frame, right state of mind?
I really wonder and ………..Ah! yes ..maybe that’s it….Insatiable..that would be the word….I know am looking for far more NOW than ever before.
It is sheer avarice for knowledge & information, and the drive to do more than I have been doing with the help of all that. I do not want this feeling to go away, ever….for it will keep the fire burning. So much to do…and so little time!!
Well, maybe, I made that last statement in a bit of a haste. It may not be that I’ll start out like Alexander on a world conquest though I can identify with how he might have felt. It may not even be that I’ll make breaking news . It may even not be that it is only in the realm of my work/job that I am seeking what is out there…….I think if goes far beyond….work is incidental…..living, on the other had, is existential…there are a thousand journeys I look forward to taking up…journeys in relationships, in distant lands, amongst various people, across practices and professions, deep into books and literature, movies, the arts, culinary arts, ……oh yes! there is so much more to do and explore…..many passions to discover
The question is not if I have that kind of time .The question is….where do I begin?